Barbie has it easy.

Her outfits come pre-matched with shoes. Her accessories come bundled with a purse, scarf and sunglasses. She still looks great after prancing around with Ken, shopping and hanging out with the girls. And someone else delivers all her goods to her doorstep without her having to lift so much as a plastic finger.

A full refrigerator stocked full with plastic produce. A pink convertible sports car with the license plate already attached. An ice cream parlor. A concert stage. They’re all hers for the taking.

But consider for just one minute what it would be like if Barbie were unemployed … if there wasn’t a human around to hand her what she wanted … if she had to fend for herself.

• She’d have to settle for last season’s fashions. Who really wants to see Barbie in the gaucho pants or no-heeled high heels of last season?
• Instead of clothing with high-class snaps, she’d have to settle for Velcro. With a long day at home mopping her floors and cleaning toilets, I fear the Velcro wouldn’t last so long.
• She’d have to settle down and write a resume. What would be on it? “Biologically inaccurate plastic woman seeks career that matches my skills and abilities and requires little to no time working. Excels at smiling and looking perfect.”
• In her pursuit to keep up a home on her own, she’d be more apt to wear slippers and an apron. Does such an outfit come in Barbie’s size?
• Ken would need to take a back seat. After all, Barbie is too busy moping around the house, pretending to find a job and playing on Facebook to keep a meaningful relationship together.

It’s depressing really. We can’t let Barbie fall to the wayside. In an attempt to continue living the American Dream despite the crummy economy and the layoffs that face us at every turn, we need someone who is living in that world to make us feel like we have a chance too. That person used to be our brother or sister, best friend, co-worker or neighbor, but they’re all laid off now. So … in the best of times and the worst of times, Barbie has to pull through.

Now, where’s that fully functioning, Barbie-sized beauty and spa shop? I can’t afford to go, but I have a small friend that desperately needs a manicure.